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Thursday, October 25, 2012
butterflies

All I feel are butterflies in my stomach. Flying around like crazy bats. Making me constantly clutching on to my stomach. But no, they don't go away. This unexplained nervousness is killing me inside. I try to find an answer, ANY answer to why i'm feeling this way, but its all in vain. This is the second time I've been feeling this way this year. The last time was terrible, it lasted for months. I don't want it to repeat. Please.

Hari Raya Haji today. I don't know, I just lost all my excitement. I feel ugly, inside and out. Its going to be a long day, i know it. Sighs.

And next monday is marks checking day. I'm dreading it. What if I really am one of those who have to repeat. i would have disappointed everyone. My parents. My siblings. My CCA. My teachers. My friends. I don't think i can take it. All these what ifs. I just want to be promoted. I'll be happy, i promise. I won't complain. I won't compare. Please. I guess I'm the only one to blame. This is probably one of the reasons for the crazy butterflies in my stomach.

I told myself don't get attached, but in my mind I play it all back. Its just not fair. I literally have to say "STOP IT" to myself for it to stop. And if i'm not careful, it would start all over again in just a matter of minutes. I can never win, can I ?